The Final Push

So, we are now officially in the final push at school. I've nicknamed the upcoming week "hell week" but, really, when I look at what the next month looks like, well, its doesn't get much better. Take a look for yourself:

Mon - finalize and print direct studies paper
Tue – Occ. Health & Safety midterm
Wed – my Directed Studies project presentation and handing in our 100pg+ paper (this is our working thesis at BOBJ)
Thu – study for CHRP
Fri – study for CHRP
Sat – write CHRP (this is our certification exam and I need 70% to pass)
Sun – prepare for arbitration hearing
Mon – Arbitration hearing in front of a real arbitrator (think Vince Ready)
Tue – Write 20 page performance management audit paper
Wed
Thu – hand in 20 pager
Fri – Next three days – research and write paper on a benefits topic (don’t know the topic yet)
Sat - research paper
Sun – research paper
Mon – next four days, finish year long project called PROTECH
Tue - protech
Wed - protech
Thu - protech
Fri – last day of classes – both the research paper and Protech are due
Sat - study
Sun - study
Mon - study
Tue – exams
Wed - exams
Thu - exams
Fri – OMG SCHOOL”S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sat - Sleep & regain sanity
Sun – panic a little about not having a job yet
Mon – dinner with open house coworkers
Tue – FLY TO LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yipeeeeee

Blogging

There's been recent demands to know why I haven't been updating my blog so here I am.

The reasons abound as to what's been holding me back from writting on here, I've been super busy with school, and Open House which was on April 7 & 8. I've been spending so much time on computers that I'm trying not to spend a lot of my recreational time on here.

But that's really not the root cause.

I'm frustrated, exhausted and... well... quite honestly... just not feeling all that peppy lately. And I don't want to use this space to rant and rave - I use my journal for that. However, I know some of your will be wanting more details, so I will try to explain.

School is nearing its end.

• Because of this it seems that everyone has stopped with the nicities and tempers are running a little short. During the Open House I was delivered some sharp comments and over heard things behind my back that I took to be quite hurtful. Apparently I've made some people unhappy. But I don't get why, 'cause I was just trying my best to act in a way that would be beneficial to 'the whole' rather than specific people. And, unfortunately the attitude that I got and the comments I overheard have drained me of everything I had to give. I'm fucking done. I know the people from school that I want to stay in contact with, and I know those who I'll be happy to see the backs of. Just get me the fuck out of there.
• With the end being so real, so tangible my anxieties and insecurities about getting a job and whether or not I'll be able to handle a full time job have resurfaced. I know I have faults, I know that I am not perfect - but the reality of feeling limited by my health, the reality of feeling like I might not be able to cope or reach my dreams... well, its bloody terrifying.
• And, with the end of school looming I have started to question what I should do next, and where, geographically, I should be. I've started to get wanderlust again. Places like the States, Europe, New Zealand and Japan have popped into my head. But is this just a way to run away from reality?

Of course, I'm also dealing with the reality of my physical being. Right now I am at the heaviest that I have ever been (or just about there). It's digusting. And I know on paper what I need to do about it. I need to eat less, eat healthier, and excercise more. I get that. I also get that it is super easy to say that. However, my reality is much different. For whatever reason, i just can't get myself to do it. Sure, I'll be good for a day or two... but then the exhaustion hits and all I can do is fight to get myself dressed, and out of the house to school. I hardly even have any clothes that fit me anymore. So how do I throw that switch to get back on track on a more permenant basis.

So, there you go. The mini rant to explain my absense. Hopefully my next post with ring with humor and joviality.