Back In Business

A couple of weeks ago I got the blue screen of death on my laptop. I've gotta say, so far I'm not overly impressed with the Toshiba brand - 'cause this laptop has been nothing but trouble.

So after a couple of weeks of it being in the shop, it now has a new hard drive (under warrenty) and i am finally back in business!!

The first couple of days without a computer was really hard and made me realize just how reliant my day-to-day activities have become on this beast. But then it got easier - and in the evenings, instead of surfing the net and chatting to people I started doing other things. It was great!! So, now I am going to try to keep the computer off after a certain time. =) School work permitting of course.

Blogging

Blogging is a strange thing.

More and more people that i know have started doing it, and I love being able to "drop by" someone's blog and see what they're up to.

Amy: http://spaces.msn.com/sleepasaurusrex/
Kim: www.kimberlymills.ca
Shane: www.shaneneville.com
Mallora's CJ: www.babybrayner.blogspot.com

But then, there's this wierd sort of presure to it.

You know people visit, so you feel like you need to put up something witty and worthwhile. Or you look at other people's blogs, and think "god - mine's so crummy compared to this!" ...

And then there are the times that I look into my friend's lives and realize all that I am missing. I mean, over the last while I seem to have lost myself - and I look at pictures of my friends hanging out and having fun, and am saddened by the realization that I wasn't there. And now, that I wasn't even invited.

It's not that i don't get it, because I totally do. If you say no enough times, people will just stop asking. And that's what's happened. Somewhere along the line I got so lost in being ill that I just let that all go... and now that I'm starting to feel a little better, I am in a place to realize just how barren that part of my life has become. Yet, I'm still too cautious to just put my neck back out there.

When exactly did it happen? When did I lose the sense of enjoyment? I think of all the things I used to do that I enjoyed, and now most of them make me anxious. I just want so desperately to be invited out, and not even think twice about it... not even spend a moment worrying about all the 'what ifs' - just to say yes, and enjoy myself utterly and completely without complications.

Is that too much to ask?
Right now, it feels like it is.